Beaten by a Porn Site. Oh, the Shame!

Imagine my surprise at discovering that the Biz Bitch is into hard-core pornography, on-call dominatrices and bad rap music.  Bummer! 

It all started when I Googled “Biz Bitch” to make sure that my blog was getting good SEO.  For a couple of years now, I’ve prided myself on being the top three to four items on Google and Yahoo! search engines.  This made it easy for fans to find me.  They didn’t have to remember a whole URL; they simply Googled “Biz Bitch” and there I was, right at the top of the leader board. 

I’m still at the top but unfortunately, over the past year, a couple of interlopers have been slowly sneaking their way into my territory.  The first was the BizBitch.biz pornography site.  That was some scary hard-core stuff.  I had no idea that women and mules were so affectionate (giving new depth of meaning to the term “animal husbandry”).  I filed a complaint with InterNIC, which is licensed by the U.S. Department of Commerce, and suddenly the site disappeared.  This was good news for me but bad news, I suppose, for animal lovers.

Now I see that over on Yahoo! you can go to TheBitch.biz and order up your favorite dominatrix from Australia, Asia, Ghana and numerous places in the USA.  There’s a 31-year-old in Beijing who is currently looking for a sex slave.  Her name is Rainmaker; don’t ask what her specialty is.  They all seem to be willing to relocate, which is a big selling point, I guess.  You can order online with your credit card and get your domme mistress delivered, just like on eBay.  Is this a great country or what?   

They have a Featured Bitch (this month it’s Dora Johnson), a Photo Gallery and even Bitch Humor.  The site is educational, too.  Did you know that the plural of dominatrix is either dominatrixes or dominatrices?  Your choice! You can even watch the music video The Bitch Song by Bowling for Soup.  I didn’t bother listening to the song but I think that Bowling For Soup may be one of the all-time greatest band names ever.

My primary search engine rival these days seems to be Its Biz Bitch Radio on MySpace.  I didn’t think anyone over the age of 13 was even allowed on MySpace.  Its Biz Bitch, however, appears to be a 20-something guy of indiscriminate color who writes and records rap demos in his basement in Louisville, Kentucky.  What any of this has to do with business or bitches is beyond my comprehension.  Clearly he’s not hung up on pride of ownership because you can’t find his name anywhere on the site, but his fan club does list “members” such as Dirty, Foster, Mondo, Lil J, Lush, and Bizzy Biz (whom he claims to sound like, a fact that is not particularly complimentary to either one).  He doesn’t have a record label but he’s associated with FilthyDirty Productions and his recordings live up to the name. 

In the interests of research for my readers, I unselfishly listened to the five recordings that he currently has on his website.  Actually, I had to listen to several of them more than once because you can barely understand anything he says on some of those tracks.  You’ll notice that I have not referred to any of them as “songs.”  That wasn’t unintentional. 

First we have Far Away, most of which is too dirty to reprint.  I think it’s about a road trip in a ’96 Lincoln and it starts with talk about K-Y jelly and his girlfriend – at least I hope it’s his girlfriend and not his mother.  In Untouchable at least he makes an attempt to rhyme: “You wish you had this…celebrity status.”  The ditty called Bring The Heat is the most incomprehensible of the lot, although it’s clearly about “weed.”  I assume that his lawn needs mowing because he claims that, in reference to the weed(s),”It’s higher than a choir; higher than a telephone wire.”  That’s a pretty serious crabgrass problem.

Speaking of serious problems, the rhyming in his ode to alcoholism, Here’s A Toast, gets downright desperate (as does his subject matter): 

“my conscience is disregarded

trying to get in someone’s daughter

and party like we outta.”

Also indicative of his artistic style is his complete and utter disregard for spelling, capitalization, punctuation or pesky grammar as demonstrated in the title, Lets smoke snipet.   He’s in rare form here with lyrics:

“When the weed kicks in I took the blunt like a twizzler,

let it cook like a sizzler,

must be Mary’s twin sister,

so hit it like a mister…..

OK, he’s not exactly Robert Frost. 

The point of all this is, that a serious and studious writer such as myself can’t allow herself to get her blog SEO jacked by a playa hater like Dora Johnson or some kid in a Louisville basement.   I mean, that’s just whack!   Don’t you agree?

Are we having fun yet?